On That December Day

Hello.

Hello.

Hi, Justine.

Hi.

How are you?

I'm good.

What is this new fangle-dangle?

I'm working on a podcast.

Okay.

I'm doing this podcast as an act of self-care, but also I feel like that the fact that this is happening, maybe there's something that God wants me to, some further healing that I need to do.

Mm-hmm.

You know, because in my mind, I had healed from this, but now I'm just like, Lord, what is going on? Like, this is unimaginable.

Well, one thing about God Yvette is that he said that I'll take you as far as you can handle. And then, when I think you're ready to handle something else, I will take you the next step. And so thinking that you're like, I've healed and whatever, healing has so many multi-faceted levels. You thought you were done, but there's more. As you were talking Yvette, I'm telling you, and I'm not going to talk anymore much, but I heard that your healing is going to be for more than just you.

I'm about to share a part of my life that I don't typically share with most people.

My name Yvette Griffea-Gray, and when I was six years old, I suffered a traumatic childhood event, one that I had largely overcome and put behind me until one day I received a message on social media, and it's probably too dramatic to say this message sent my world crashing. But let's just say the information I learned knocked a few things off the shelf.
But before we get into that, let me back up a bit.

Hey.

Hey.

So, Newman, do you remember when I first told you about my parents and what had happened to them?

It still trips me out. It still trips me out, til this day. I feel like I would be a mess.

A little background, the voice you hear now is my dear friend Newmann. We have known each other now for about the past 15 years, and we also work together. So here's more.

I remember you telling me, and I remember in my mind, I was like, code red, code red! Like, whoa, this is wild! It was something that I had never heard anybody ever say before. So it was,I don't even know how to explain the emotion. It was like seeing an alien for the first time. I just didn't know what to do with the information.

It's interesting, right? Because I am very selective about who I share my story with, you know? And the more time I spend with people, it's like you hear me talk about my auntie and my uncle or my grandparents, but not so much my parents. And so at some point, if I am becoming close to people, I will say, I want to tell you something about myself, or I feel like I can come alongside and help them and say, hey, you know, this happened to me as well, then I'll choose to share.

It definitely puts things in perspective for people who may have not had such a hard story. However, it will give them the courage to possibly share their story from their own personal healing.

Or I can overcome, right?

Or I can overcome, absolutely.

Did you have any thoughts about me as an individual after that?

It's been a long time. And I think I was more in awe. So, yes, I did think about you in the sense of I was in awe that you were not crazy.

I understand what Newmann is trying to say here. Studies show that children whose experiences mirror my own are often met with depression and mental health challenges or even financial and relationship issues. But I've not experienced much of that. And that's due in large part to my family and my faith. I'd like to introduce you to my aunt Sandra. She's my mother's sister. Growing up, my cousins and I referred to her as Anie. For some reason, I stopped calling her Anie over the years. She's mostly known now as Auntie, but she's been much more than that in my life.

The following content contains a discussion that might be upsetting to some listeners. If you are sensitive to such topics as violence or domestic abuse, please exercise self-care if you choose to listen past this point.

Okay, I'm here now.

Okay, let's see. I will tell you what I remember about December 2nd, 1976.
And then you tell me what maybe I don't know or that I have wrong because you know I was so young.

Okay

I was going to John T. Pirie School, I believe. I was in the second grade because I started school early, I believe. And I was six,

More like six and a half. Yeah.

There was a playground at school and I used to like to play on the swings. And my mother would be like, you be in this spot when I pick you up at school. Don't be on the playground, don't be on the swings, be in this spot for me to pick you up. And so I had a cousin, Jessica, that also went to school with me. And so we both had to be at that spot and wait for our ride.

But on this day, even while the kids were on the playground and eventually they all left, Jessica and I were just standing on this kind of corner by the school waiting and no one ever came to pick us up. And I think I remember a teacher coming outside and bringing us back in. And then I also remember for some reason being at a police station or a police car picking us up. And then I also remember the final thing is being in the car with Granddad and saying, I hope mommy's OK. And then he says, Granddad says, I do too.

OK.

So what about, is my story accurate? Is it? Are parts of it right?
Parts of it wrong?

Most of it is right. The event did occur on that day. And I didn't remember or know about the playground and standing in that one spot. So that's new to me. But a police officer did pick you up. And why and how they knew to pick you up is a mystery. We never found out why the police picked you up at school. And regretfully, they brought you by your house at 7600 Ridgeland in Chicago. And that's where your grandfather, who was called to where the event happened. And that's where the transfer occurred.

But in the meantime, whoever called the police and sent them to their school or your school, I could only figure that only two people could have done that. And that would have been your father, Cliff, as he, after he shot and killed your mother. On that day, December 2nd, he went into your home and set it on fire. And he went through your room, your bedroom, and crawled out of the window and went on the roof. And by the time he was on the roof, the police had gotten there. And he hollered to them to shoot him.
And of course, the police couldn't do that. And he then shot himself.

Apparently June, the next door neighbor who witnessed this awful crime, her kitchen and sink faced your house. So she happened to be washing dishes. She saw Helen, your mother, running from the house. And they shared a driveway. And Helen got to the driveway in between the houses.
And that's when she fell from the first gunshot. And unfortunately, the neighbor whose name was June witnessed your father standing over your mother and shooting her four more times.

I have to admit that hearing this information is difficult for me. The details that my Aunt described are slightly different than what I knew. And it's hard. So I decided to call one of my closest friends. Her name is Kelly. We met at the University of Minnesota and we were fast friends. You'll hear a little bit of background noise as I'm talking to Kelly. But this is her first time learning that I'm revisiting these memories and exploring this part of my life through a podcast.

Are you doing a podcast?

I am doing a podcast.

Oh.

You know, what's so funny.

I sent Auntie a link and it took her like 20 minutes

(laughter)

And I was like, I don't know why this is taking so long. And so you just proved to me that it's really not that hard.

It wasn't hard.

I wanted to call you because I talked to Auntie.

You know, the things that happened over the past few weeks made me wonder, like, what else don't I know? Because growing up, I never liked to talk about it.

Yeah.

And so I just talked to Auntie and I just had to take a little pause because she filled in some gaps for the actual day for me. And I don't know, it was a little, it was kind of a lot. I always knew the story of what happened to my parents, but there are details, obviously, that I lost because I was so young and just things that I didn't know. I've always known that I was at school when it happened. And she confirmed for me today that, you know, that my memory of that was pretty in tact, like the things that I shared with her that I knew. She was like, yeah, that's right. I always knew my mother had gone to the house to get some mail or something like that. And my dad was home. And because I didn't like to talk about it growing up, when I was in college, do you remember how you could go and look up newspaper articles on...

Microfiche

Yeah, microfiche

Yeah.

So one day I went to the library and I just, at the University of Minnesota, and I just started combing through newspapers, Chicago newspapers around that time frame. And I was actually able to find a really tiny article about what had happened.

The article that I'm referring to, I discovered in the December 3rd edition of the Chicago Tribune. The headline reads, Man tortures home kills wife, self.
A South Side man reportedly chased his wife from their home Thursday, shot and killed her, and then shot and killed himself after setting their house afire.
Police responding to a report of gunfire at 7600 South Ridgeland Avenue found Helen Young, 27, in a gangway beside a flaming two-story frame house. She had died of a gunshot wound in the chest police said. Before firemen arrived, a man identified as Clifford L. Young, 42, appeared on the roof of the house and threatened police with a gun. Police said Young disappeared from sight on the roof and a short time later, police climbed
a fire ladder to the roof and found Young, dead, of a bullet wound in the head. Neighbors said the couple had been separated for some time.

I remember sitting in the library after finding this article and feeling surprised that this major event in my life had been summarized in four tiny paragraphs. And even more odd, the story was placed among the season's Christmas ads like there was a Montgomery Ward gift idea for a Polaroid camera and another advertisement for Oragel. And even more surprising, there was no mention of me. But yet this article helped me to form an idea of what had happened to my mother that day.

Here's more from my conversation with Kelly.

And so I always envisioned her going in the house, you know, being startled by him or maybe there was an argument or something like that. And then he shoots her, and then she runs out of the house and dies. But today I learned that that part was true, but he chased her from the home and then stood over her and shot her four more times.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I don't know, that was, I didn't react in the moment, but that was really hard for me to hear. Part of me has always wondered if I had been there, would he have killed all of us?

If you had walked in with your mom?

Yeah.

Would the scene have played out differently? Or would he just have taken the whole family out?

I was thinking about how you talked about how your interactions with your dad and all the things that he did for you. And did you say it took you to like, lessons, swimming lessons? And he did all these things for you. It made me think that if you were there, my first reaction was thinking that he, I wonder if he wouldn't have done it at that time.

Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Yeah.

Not that that would have. Yeah, I don't want it to be like, oh, if you were there, that wouldn't have happened.

Oh, right.

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah right the burden of that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you find it helpful to have more information or not?

I don't know. Hearing that is so intentional.

I know. It's. Yeah. Four more times.

After learning this new information, I find myself wondering what could have led to all of this?. And I feel like I'm now in a place where I have the capacity to ask more questions. Did anyone else know what was going on?
Were there any signs? We'll discuss that next time on what else don't I know?

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please know that you are not alone.There are resources available to help. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. That's 1-800-799-7233. Or visit their website at thehotline.org to speak with a trained advocate who can provide support and connect you with local resources.